A letter to you

I do not know what I mean to you
Or where I stand with you
I do not know what I am to you
Or if I mean anything too.

I feel like a pawn in a chess game
And I don’t know whether my words
Have trapped me or whether I have dug for myself
A slippery slope by falling for you.

Either way I am writing to tell you
That I do not mind.
I am jealous and possessive but deep down I love too foolishly to ever be able to be meaningful to you.

So if you must do what you need to, then do so
If you must play my game to keep me happy, then indulge my foolishness
For I am so conceited that I will not be able to see or accept tolerance for likeness

And maybe this foolishness shall be my downfall.
My cowardly request to you is when the end is upon us, plunge the dagger in deep and swift
For I can suffer a thousand wounds but a harsh whisper and my heart will tear into pieces

I feel full circle not being able to see through my empty words
I feel lost and alone, foolish and helpless
And I feel cold.

I feel changes are coming and I see them sweeping through us so fast and so strong that I may be too weak to face them alone
I see the desert wind approach and swiftly hiding you and taking you away
I feel hopeless and frightened to lose you and I feel so tired and weak, that
I want to lie down give up my heart and go to sleep.